Learning to say NO in a nice way

Are you one of those people who find yourself nodding your head up and down automatically when someone asks something of you? Are you conditioned from early childhood to feel that your job is to be so helpful that you need to put others first, which in turn ends up neglecting your own needs (really, do I have needs!)? Do you know that I even experienced some sort of “high” by being such an amazing people pleaser and a self trained sacrificer but unknowingly my resentment was piling up while my sense of “self” had diminished to a point that I could not find “her” anymore....anywhere!

So Christmas came and went but this year I shared it with over thirty of my tribe members at my daughter and son-in-law’s home. It was was great but I made it perfect by going against THE “tradition” this year..and boy, do I feel greater than great! You see once I reached the grand young age of seventy and being of the Chinese origin (where the older you get, the more respect and demands you can make [but I do go light on the demands department as no one would know what I am yapping about...like remembering back to the Ming Dynasty?]), I refused to have my name included on the “bring a plate” group invite, I just turned up for turkey, ham, pudding and presents. However, I did indulge on buying a huge box of chocolate for the hosting party but secretly instructed them not to open it till everyone had left. Okay not exactly the Christmas spirit, but if Turkish Delights are your only favourite, some fingers might just move faster than yours on that particular day.

Due to the many celebrations happening all around this time of the year, I now feel comfortable to turn down invites when I am feeling depleted of energy... as in truth I really have nothing much to give. It makes more sense to nourish and nurture ourselves first and to accept our limits and not be afraid to set up healthy boundaries.

Yes, people might not like it at first especially if you have always been a “YES” person, but they would grow to respect you more as you demonstrate loud and clear about the “oxygen mask” theory. Build up our own reserves first, then tend to others as the quality of our giving and helpfulness would be of a higher grade. I guess I am just a bit tired of “doing noise”....

P.S. MY LIGHT BULB MOMENT: Perhaps with me daring to utter a few little NOs, I am in fact accumulating a huge YES to be gifted to others at more needed and appropriate times. So don’t be afraid to take a few minutes to gauge your energy level and your state of mind. Your NO can be a loving “sign” that you care about your wellbeing and that is a beautiful act of Self Care and Self Responsibility.

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR 2019 and I am looking forward to seeing our stress levels go down. Thanks for reading my blog, see you next month, promise to tickle your laughing muscles.